How about a Desi Bond...

Well, since the Bond mania is running wild with the latest release Quantum of Solace, I thought it would be a nice time to envisage our own Bond. Yes, a desi bond. Sadly, to reach the masses our Bond though will have to compromise on a lot of aspects that keeps a Bond movie in a league of its own. Lets try and compare some familiar Bond scenes with a possible desi version of the same.

Scene 1: Bond is remanded and deserted by the MI6 but his passion for pursuit against crime makes him revolt against the orders and take help of an old friend.

Desi Bond: For our Bond to meet his friend there has to be a life saving sequence where Bond would save the life of his old pal. And after getting rid of the bad guys he will have an emotional reunion with his friend. Instantly the story will go back and have a flashback as to how Bond had met this friend of his and how they lost touch. Might as well be a song much like a “yeh dosti”. Finally after meeting up with everyone in his family and briefly romancing his friend’s sister Bond approaches his friend for the help that he needs.

Original Bond: He would just walk in to his friend and ignore all others in his family. Meet the guy, tell him his position and ask for exactly what he needs from him. If he agrees then he plans the next move with him else leaves hastily. Wishing a goodbye is a luxury that he cant afford.

Scene 2: While on his mission Bond meets a girl and quite likes her.

Desi Bond: A dream sequence where our very own Bond is having a tricky time having to handle the long dupatta of the heroine. There’s a song and dance, nice designer clothes for Bond and a rather skimpily clad woman somewhere in the middle of Antarctica. Then Bond hunts for an occasion when he can express his feelings to the lady. She plays hard to get and teases him. Finally when they both evoked their passions and try to get cosy our director fades the lenses and the view goes frosted. Another song follows where the lady seems apparently overjoyed having shed her virginity to the popularly unreliable British agent.

Original Bond: Upon meeting the girl he has a smirk in the corner of his lips and goes about his business. He plays hard to get and flaunts his attitude until the girl gives in, more with the intention of taming a wild creature on the run than herself having fun.

Scene 3: Bond faces a deceit from one of his acquaintances’ and is in the lookout to nail him down.

Desi Bond: Our desi Bond leaves his mission goals aside and goes hunting for his old friend turned foe. While on with his chase, there’s a flashback that haunts him and he tries to figure out solemnly what went wrong in their friendship. And finally after eliminating his friend Bond goes into a depressed mood and prays to the almighty seeking forgiveness for slaying his old friend.

Original Bond: Goes about his mission and if he comes across the person who had betrayed him, he has just two things to do. Shoot and smile. So long.

That’s what I think of our desi bond. Please add on more scenes contemplating a possible comparison between the original firang bond and a desi bond. The only two names that I find suitable if a serious effort of making a bond movie here is taken up, would be Amir Khan and Arjun Rampal.

By no means am I trying to degrade our movies. They are thorough entertainers and the guys from Hollywood would never be able to make such masala flicks. So if Bond has to come here he has to certainly bond with the best.